When Your Gut Screams but Everyone Says ‘Be Nice’ (Yack)

I’ve always been told I “read too much into things.” The way someone glances, pauses, over-explains - I notice it all. My fiancé says I assume the worst in people. I say my gut just works overtime. Somewhere between his blind faith in humanity and my trauma-trained Spidey sense is probably a healthy middle ground.

Real Talk

A few months ago, we went to a wedding where he knew almost everyone, and I knew… him. Fifteen introductions later, a woman came running up, gave him a big hug, and before I could even smile, she looked straight at me and said, “Don’t worry, this is platonic.”

Ma’am.

You didn’t know me from Eve, but the fact that you needed to say that? My gut clocked it immediately. Sure enough - cue the subtle digs later about him not having to leave yet, they hadn’t even danced together yet! (eye roll) The kind of little comments that seem harmless unless you’ve lived through people using words like tiny knives, or ignorance being complete bliss?

He thought I was being a little dramatic. I thought I was being observant.

Turns out, I was right. Through more conversation and a slightly drunken, more brazen approach to flirtation, he ended up calling her “buddy,” high-fived her, and we left. I laughed the whole way home, and he did a little too- not out of jealousy, but because my gut had been right again.

Reflection

Now pull it back into something universal:

Here’s the thing - sometimes trauma teaches us to see danger where there isn’t any. And sometimes, it teaches us to see it before anyone else does.

I used to beat myself up for being “too sensitive” or “reading too much.” Now, I’m learning that my awareness isn’t the problem - it’s just that my body hasn’t always learned how to tell the difference between a pattern and a person. Growth, for me, looks like checking in with both voices: the gut that whispers “something’s off,” and the part of me learning to ask, “Is this old fear or new truth?” - I call this my emotional side and my logical side. I preface my comments to my fiancé with which side they are coming from.

Maybe the sweet spot isn’t in ignoring your gut or letting trauma steer - it’s learning to listen, question, and choose without guilt. Identifying a trigger or opening of a trauma wound, and how normal people intend to do or say things without an agenda.

And for the record, my fiancé still thinks people are basically good. I still think people are a toss-up up I can generally judge in about 30-60 seconds. And that balance? That’s the good stuff.

P.S. — We actually ran into that same person recently. And I’ll admit - it was a little petty, but it felt really good standing there with a beautiful ring on my finger and a bond so solid that I didn’t feel the slightest flicker of worry. She could’ve said the same thing again, and I probably would’ve just smiled — because this time, my peace was louder than her presence.